Reality kicks in

My employer has now formally told me they will not provide any financial sponsorship, nor will they guarantee I can come back in two years. To top it off they included a friendly reminder to make sure I didn't forget to resign in time. I would, however, leave with their "best wishes" and a "glowing testimony for my great work over recent years". Wow, thanks...!

I understand their reasoning, however, flawed as I think it is. They see this as shelling out $100k+ to have someone gone for two years and return with ridiculous career growth and compensation demands. It's one that goes into the 'too difficult' box. Our president last year told me that "we're just not an MBA employer", which to me sounded like "there's a limit to how good we want our management to be."

It's all good and fine, because there is in reality a very big chance I will get lured into the Siren calls of the big i-banks and consulting firms. It's just disappointing to see that the company that you have worked your butt off for, and almost feels like family, doesn't hesitate a second to cut you loose for being too ambitious.

I am, however, not phased by this too much. I knew this day was coming.

Another side of the reality that is only now starting to kick in is that the deposit that magically makes its way into my bank account each month, that has always so nicely offsetted the numerous debit transactions on my bank statement, is going to disappear for good. I will soon be formally unemployed, which is a strange feeling. The only inflow of funds I will have for the time to come will be nothing more than debt, with a capital D. I hate debt. Maybe in time it will start to feel like free money and I will struggle to worry about spending money that is not yet mine, but right now, it still feels weird.